The happiness complex 

When it comes to depression, it’s typically the same manifestations: No energy, the desire to do nothing but sleep, and trying to tear myself away from the world. 

Anxiety, however, presents itself within so many characters. One in particular is my fear of happiness.

What I mean is, I’m not afraid to be happy. I’m fearful that if I am happy, something bad HAS to happen, simply because nothing can be perfect. 

I have a very good life now, and I recently thought to myself, “I have nothing to complain about…” and immediately after I started to feel that fuzziness, the static in my chest. The feeling that something bad is about to happen and the darkness that makes you so sure. 

This particular anxiety, that something has to be wrong for all to be okay, has existed since I was a teenager. My parent’s divorce, followed by a tumultuous relationship with my mother and father,  set into motion what will become a pattern of expecting things to be broken. 

I hope it is something that in time will dissipate but meanwhile I will be consistently trying to tell myself it’s okay to be happy.

It’s okay to be happy.

2 thoughts on “The happiness complex 

  1. Emily September 27, 2016 / 22:03

    I personally know the battle of anxiety and depression and so many other mental illness. And, I know the exact fear you experience. I fear getting help because I’m afraid it will lead to me being happy. It’s been so long since I truly felt it, that it’s a scary thought to experience. But I pray we can both move towards happiness and lead the lives we were destined to leaves. Much love and best wishes to you, my friend.
    mentalmaladies.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A Walk into the Woods September 27, 2016 / 21:36

    U know, we make life so conditional that anything otherwise hurts us. Treating life like a wave with its ebbs and flows will help us more during the lows. Night passes and day arrives. Day passes night arrives. Look for the shiny moon ay night that may be there some days and may not be there. Trust that it is there and so on for happiness as well. Maybe this will help. Lot of hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

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