Sex, drugs, & the eventual toll

The pressure to perform is everywhere: Look sexy, be sexy, feel sexy. Do it for you; do it for your significant other. 

It’s important for the success of your relationship that you ‘put out’ on the reg. This thinking is set in stone everywhere I look. I can’t deny it either, though…

But what happens when the medication you take wipes out any sex drive you may have had? 

This recently happened to me. Or well, to us, my husband and I. 

My SNRI, along with life stressors, completely deleted any notion of sex from my mind. I didn’t think about it, I didn’t even know how much time went by  since the last time we were intimate. 

I didn’t realize it until my inattention was made known to me. 

Then came the guilt…the feeling that I was letting our relationship take a back seat. My emotional health was so important that I never really thought about his. 

So I stopped taking them. I wanted my sex drive to resurface. I wanted to be sexy. I wanted to feel sexy. 

After a few days, I became so unbelievably agitated at something Kona had done, something trivial that my reaction was unwarranted. 

Instead of snapping at me or getting angry, Nathan asked if I had forgotten to take my medication. He told me nothing was worth me allowing my depression and anxiety to take over my life, not when I have a way to stop it. He held me as I fell apart in front of him. 

That moment changed me, unbeknownst to him. 

I resumed my SNRI but I felt the guilt fall away and I saw my husband as a person that fights with me, a champion for my mental health.

I know it won’t be perfect. I still have days where the last thing I feel is pretty, let alone sexy. All I feel is the blanket and couch surrounding me, numb and lost. 

But together we have grown, and learned and love deeper than ever before. 

It’s tough, but worth it. 

3 thoughts on “Sex, drugs, & the eventual toll

  1. Mark Perry January 1, 2017 / 17:16

    Wow, yeah I know that feeling on the male side of things. My meds have all but rendered me asexual. It is difficult to share with my partner because I don’t want them to feel they are not attractive nor undesired. Trying to find that balance is so difficult because you’d like to be “normal”. Its frustrating to have to make a sacrifice to just feel “sexy” or to sacrifice intimacy to feel stable. I’m glad Nathan is supportive of that and encourages you to take care of yourself. The confidence and intimacy will come around.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mrs.Leader November 28, 2016 / 01:35

    I loved this so much 💜 Thank you for vulnerably sharing your story. Mental health is big and I’m so happy to hear your husband is fighting with you, not against you. Let the guilt wash away and let your man be intimate with you on whatever level you two can reasonably make it happen. A healthy set of individuals make for great couples. 😉

    Much peace and love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenn B. November 28, 2016 / 04:23

      Thank you for taking the time to read! 🙂 ❤️

      Like

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