I can say most assuredly that I spend about 80% of my time worrying about tomorrow and thinking about the past. I’ve been this way all of my life.
I have always envied the characters in books who live and breathe by that ‘live in the now’ mentality.
Spontaneity is not a trait I possess. In fact the only thing I can do spontaneously, is worry.
So lately, I’ve been trying to shift my focus (believe me, it takes a lot of commitment) to the present. Enjoy right now. It seems easier than it really is.
One of the things that has helped is getting outdoors to take photos. I have a Nikon DSLR that I have zero idea on how to use but, I’m not trying to work for National Geographic. I’m embracing being a complete amateur and I find myself enjoying the day and the fresh air.
Looking through the lense I forget about the things I have to do, or the things I have been through.
Whatever helps, right? 🙂
This Seaside dude graciously allowed me to shoot him this morning. And that surfer didn’t have a choice.
One con about my taking an SNRI is I feel less creative.
I spend my free time painting, weaving, and stitching but I feel less inspired to do so lately. It’s especially tough because when winter comes, the rainy days make me want to be creative and well, it’s pretty much winter now in the Pacific Northwest.
I started a painting recently and lately it’s been at a standstill in my dining room, slowly gathering the dust of my rusted imagination. I want so badly to continue but I just don’t have it in me.
I’m kind of numb.
But I’m not in a depressive state.
Maybe it’s a trade I’ll have to be grateful for because I can at least be a functional human in society and not a couch cushion.
Maybe it’s also harder living in a place that demands you live out your passion. The wildness calls to the mind and soul to wake up and be in it…do the thing you were meant to.
I took this quick photo on my way in to work today.
I’ve always felt as if mentally I belonged in this dreary, grey weather. It’s easier to exist as I am here.
The sunny days bring such demands with it. “Go outside! Enjoy yourself!” it says.
Here, though…I can be completely myself.